


That Inner Voice

by Purebloodgodess



Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Fix-It of Sorts, M/M, Michael Guerin Deserves Nice Things, What-If
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-06
Updated: 2021-03-06
Packaged: 2021-03-12 18:14:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,552
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29888553
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Purebloodgodess/pseuds/Purebloodgodess
Summary: Alex doesn't make it out of the bunker in 1x10. He sticks around to ask Michael to stay.
Relationships: Michael Guerin/Alex Manes
Comments: 1
Kudos: 45





	That Inner Voice

“I have to go. I need time to process this.” Alex told Michael as he made his way over to the ladder.

“You’re just going to leave?” Michael yelled after him. “Of course he’s leaving, why would he stay?” He continued in a smaller voice, not meant to reach Alex.

_ What are you doing soldier! Straighten up and assess the situation! _ The voice inside Alex’s head sounded suspiciously like his drill sergeant. But he was right, what was he doing? Taking a step back from the ladder Alex looked over his shoulder at Michael.

The alien had turned around and was hunched over a piece of the console, lightly touching it. All of his previous excitement was gone. Alex had done that. But Michael was trying to leave him. No, not just leave him, leave the whole planet. How was he supposed to deal with that?

_ Obviously by making him feel like shit and leaving yourself. That’s a great strategy Captain. I’m sure that you running away from him after he shares this very private part of his life with you will help him understand how much he means to you and make him want to stay.  _

Why couldn’t the voice in his head sound like the nice therapist he talked to while stuck in Germany? 

_ Because she didn’t motivate you. She had you digging around in your feelings. Now is not the time for feelings! Now is the time for clear heads and action. You begged for another chance while laying in that desert. You fought for another chance in PT. Now that you have been given that chance, you keep messing it up. Maybe the first few times you were still getting your feet under you and escaping the expectations of your father. But you literally had Jesse Manes handcuffed in your bunker two hours ago and took him down. Where is that brave Captain? Why are you acting like a stupid 17-year old?  _

Right, he had just faced down Jesse Manes and sent him off to the other side of the world to protect Michael. Yet he couldn’t look said man in the eyes and ask him to stay?

Gathering up all the courage of a decorated Captain, Alex headed back towards Michael.

“I’m sorry Guerin. I let my fear get the better of me. Like I said, you bring out the teenager in me, for better or worse. In most cases, it’s for the worse. I didn’t have the best decision making skills.” Alex explained from across the console.

However, from the way Michael’s body tensed, he didn’t seem to be making things any better.

“You’re afraid of me?” Michael asked with sadness in his voice. As he finally looked up Alex could see the tears in his eyes.

“Oh shit no! No Michael! I’m not afraid of you.” Alex said making his way around the table. “I’m usually either afraid for you or afraid of my feelings for you. I was running away because I didn’t know how to deal with you wanting to leave the planet, leave me. Not because I was afraid of you.” Finally making his way to the other side, Alex leaned his crutch against the table, pulled Michael into his arms, and thanked the stars when he came willingly. 

“I’m sorry I’ve been all over the place. I promise I'm usually a lot more level headed. I just haven’t been myself since waking up in Germany.” Alex’s confession brought Michael’s arms tighter around him. “I don’t know who I am anymore, or even who I want to be. Am I ok being stationed stateside, will I still feel useful if I’m not out there fighting alongside my soldiers, should I just retire, what would I do if I did? I’m trying to figure all that out in the town I grew up in, with my father hovering over me, and me first love around every corner. I’m a mess Michael and you don’t deserve this version of me.”

“You’re an idiot Alex.” Well, that wasn’t the response he was expecting. Pulling away from him, Michael rested his left hand on the side of his face and looked him in the eyes. Thankfully those eyes were no longer swimming in tears.

“I don’t care what version of you I get. I just want you. That’s all I’ve ever really wanted. I don’t care if it’s the kind, emo, teenager, or the brave Air Force Caption. I just want you here, in my arms. Can you please make a decision about that? I can’t take this on and off situation with you anymore. Every time you leave, you take a piece of my heart with you and I’m down to the last few pieces Alex.”

His words weren’t meant to cut but they did. The last thing he had wanted to do was hurt Michael. So he had to make a decision. Did he take this chance even though it wasn't perfect? When he imagined coming back to Michael, he had imagined coming to him with both legs, sure of his future, and a stable life to offer. Instead, he was an indecisive mess with an uncertain future and Michael still wanted him. Wanted this version of him. Was that love?

Taking a deep breath Alex began “I want you Michael. I’ve always wanted to be with you. But this isn’t the way I always dreamed of coming back to you. I wanted to be better for you, have more to offer you.”

Michael seemed to take that as a rejection and started to pull away. Alex quickly tightened his arms.

“But I've waited far too long to have you in my arms again, and I can’t let you go. I can’t let you walk out of my life, or well fly. I want you to stay here with me. I want to have you around while I figure my shit out. I want to have a future with you Michael Gua..”

Michael launched forward and stopped his speech with an electrifying kiss. Kissing Michael was always amazing but this was different, more somehow. Maybe it was the relief of not having to hold himself back or the assurance that Alex felt the same, but Michael was pouring himself into it.

Michael tilted Alex’s head for a better angle while running his right hand from his shoulder to his chest. That’s when he felt it. The heat coming from Michael’s hand. Before he could pull away and check, he was sucked in. 

Flashes of Michael’s childhood zoomed by. Max and Isoble walking through the desert with him, the foster center, one abusive foster home after another, coming back to Roswell, reconnecting with Max and Isobel, Isobel being attacked in the desert, and burying the body.Then there he was, sitting in different classes with Michael in all his emo glory, offering his shed, a guitar, leaning in for a kiss only to be rejected, following himself into the back of the UFO Museum, kissing himself for the first time, making love for the first time, being scared that Jesse would kill Alex, seeing Isobel kill Rosa and covering it up, gazing up at the stars in the back of his truck with the boy he loved, being left behind by that same boy, living his life in a haze of regret, rejection, and disappointment. That haze being pierced by the sight of Alex outside of his airstream, kissing him at the reunion and all of the moments that followed. Being told that Alex wanted a future with him. He was wanted.

Alex had gone through Michael’s life as if it were his own and he was both amazed and ashamed of the part he played in it. Michael had loved him for years. He had been hopeful and excited when Alex came back.But his constant rejection had done more damage to Michael than his father’s hammer had. 

Pulling away from the kiss he saw the fear and resignation on Michael’s face. He was getting ready for another rejection. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to do that. It has never happened before. I promise it didn’t hurt.” Michael quickly explained removing his hands from Alex’s body. He would have moved away if Alex’s arms weren’t warped around him.

“You didn’t hurt me Michael. I’m not scared. I haven’t changed my mind. If anything, it confirmed how lucky I am to have this chance with you. I love you Michael and I still want to build a future together.”

Those seemed to be the right words. Michael stopped building his walls and sent him a blinding smile. Reaching out to embrace Alex again, Michael tucked his face into Alex’s neck. “I love you Alex Manes and I choose you. I choose to stay on this stupid planet and grow old with you sitting in the back of my truck watching the stars.”

Choking on him emotions all Alex could do was bring Michael in closer while running his hand through those curls he had spent years dreaming about. They were going to be ok. They were finally on the same page and free to be together. It might not be the future he had envisioned but it would be perfect because Michael would be in it. 


End file.
